What Project Managers Say and What They Really Mean

WHAT YOUR PM SAYS:

“I’ll check with the team to see if we can squeeze that change into the current release.”

WHAT YOUR PM REALLY MEANS:

“I’ll check to see whether the lead developer will say “no” or “hell no.”

 

WHAT YOUR PM SAYS:

“I think it would be beneficial to streamline the requirements and redefine the user stories.”

WHAT YOUR PM REALLY MEANS:

“These user stories strung together read like the plot of “The Hangover II.”

 

WHAT YOUR PM SAYS:

“This delivery schedule appears to be very aggressive.”

WHAT YOUR PM REALLY MEANS:

“We can meet your timeline if HR will sign off on letting us chain the development staff to their desks and beat them with sticks until the 15th of the month.”

WHAT YOUR PM SAYS:

“The stakeholder feels very strongly about the urgency of this project.”

WHAT YOUR PM REALLY MEANS:

“The stakeholder is insane. I’m not going into that conference room alone.”

 

WHAT YOUR PM SAYS:

“So I’m hearing that you want us to test every possible combination of selections on your 14-page enrollment form before deploying tomorrow morning?”

WHAT YOUR PM REALLY MEANS:

“So I’m hearing you want us to subcontract the entire Bangalore Institute of Technology Class of 2012 to test your software overnight tonight?”

 

WHAT YOUR PM SAYS:

“I understand you’re busy this week – but when can you give us final approval for those new pages that absolutely, positively have to go live on the 25th?”

WHAT YOUR PM REALLY MEANS:

“We don’t be able to push the new pages live on the 25th with final approvals on the 28th unless we get permission from Starfleet to rip the time-space continuum a new one.”

 

WHAT YOUR PM SAYS:

So your complaint is that IT should have known Marketing needed an iPad app developed concurrently with the microsite without it appearing in the requirements.”

WHAT YOUR PM REALLY MEANS:

“Note for the next project – encourage the Marketing Department to wear aluminum foil on their heads during requirements to facilitate better brain wave transmission.”

#LOL!

What would you add?

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Author: peter

Peter Saddington is an Organizational Scientist and Certified Scrum Trainer. You can find him at AgileforAll.com

7 thoughts on “What Project Managers Say and What They Really Mean”

  1. PM says: Sure another few folks will really help the team!

    What your PM really means: I’ll have them assigned to take out the trash, perform Powerpoint engineering, and make the coffee so the team can save about 5-10 minutes a day.

      1. And I am losing mine as well! (Though thankfully not too quickly…)

        BTW, here’s another one…

        PM says: We’ll get this late project back on track by crashing the schedule!

        What the PM really means: He’s having the team learning the slow cadence to a suitable funeral dirge for the path to the their self-dug graves.

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