Stop Boring Meetings Fast with a Gun

SpeechJammer is a gun that “jams” people’s speech, by firing their words right back at them within milliseconds of being said.

In the above video, the wizards at the National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology in Japan show how the gun works.

Now, consider how many great uses it would have in your workplace…

Is it Agile? 🙂

[Humor] – My New Agile Software Development Methodology

I truly believe I have NEVER laughed so hard in my entire life around an Agile-focused blog post. I laughed heartily and loud, for a long time. Maybe this shows my “sick humor.” Here it is:

I have invented a new Agile software development methodology. It makes use of analogy and metaphor as valuable tools.

My new process is based on Scrum, but it uses a modified system of iteration which I call “Rotations.” So I have named this new methodology “Scrotum.”

Like Scrum and Kanban, its basic workings are deceptively simple and easy to describe: at the meeting for each Rotation, you determine Necessary Adjustments to Improve the Rotation, or N.A.I.R.

Then, every Rotation, you simply apply N.A.I.R. to the Scrotum, until everything is nice and smooth.

Rinse. Repeat.

You will find that all those hairy development problems you used to have will almost magically disappear.

[VIA: UtterlyPreposterous]

[Humor] – Business Roles and Designations – For a Baby

  • Director – Funds the Baby Project for 4 months, knowing that “typical” development like this could take 8-10 months.
  • Project Manager – A person who thinks 9 women can deliver a baby in 1 month.
  • Designer – A person who keeps changing the look-n-feel and color scheme of the baby when it has already been established that the baby is going to be brown.
  • Developer – A person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
  • Onsite Coordinator – One who thinks single woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.
  • Client – One who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.
  • Product Manager – One who couldn’t tell you the value and ROI of releasing such a baby.
  • Marketing Manager – A person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no men and women are available.
  • Sales Manager – Will promise you a 20 pound, full-head-of-hair, and ready-to-walk baby in 9 months.
  • Resource Optimization Team – Thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.
  • Documentation Team – Doesn’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.
  • Quality Auditor – A person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
  • Tester – A person who always tells his wife that this is not the RIGHT baby.
  • HR Manager – A person who thanks that a donkey can deliver a human baby given 9 months.
  • Agile Coach – …
  • ScrumMaster – …
  • Delivery Team – …
  • Architect – …
  • Compliance Auditor – …
  • DBA – …

[Funny – Kinda like What Consultants are All About and How Devs, QA, Designers See Each other]

Who else would you add? 

Other fun roles…?

Thoughts on Agile Transformations – What Does Success Look Like?

My friend sent me a picture that blew my mind. I mean, what a transformation!

Chinese Girl Makeup Transformation

This girl transforms… literally. All it takes is:

  1. TONS of makeup
  2. Artistry + Skill
  3. Time
But I had to think: “Is she healthy?” – Seriously. I mean, let’s think for a second. Let’s say she:
  • Smokes
  • Drinks a ton
  • Never exercises
  • And eats a ton of McDonalds
She still looks good, doesn’t she (subjective)? Or are we just covering up the greater complexities, failures, and systemic issues that plague her mind and soul?
OK. So what about “Agile Transformations” that are reported for companies around the world?
Are we really ‘transforming’ them? Or are we just covering up the blemishes and real continual issues that plague the company at large?

What Does Success Look Like?

So here is my question:

“What would you consider the bottom line success metrics for a FULL AGILE TRANSFORMATION?”

Is there a formula? There has to be some foundational “check marks…” right?

What would you say?

 [Click picture for larger view]

Mark Twain on Agile – He Knew What Was Up

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.” – Mark Twain

Sometimes people of the past knew what was up before it was marketed, franchised, sold, and credentialed.

The Sad Triangle – Great Strategies Yield Great Products, Not Powerpoints

Used properly, no one outside the company will ever see your strategy. They shouldn’t see it… if you don’t come up with provocative ideas, your strategy doesn’t really mean anything. If your ideas merely repeat the adjectives on your pyramid, no one will pay any attention.

Great strategies yield great creative, and done right, the strategy will get no credit what-so-ever. Bummer, but that’s the way it is. No one ever said, “I love that brand, they have such awesome Powerpoint decks.”

[VIA: Division of Labor]

Agile Teams to Avoid

Warning: This image might bring back bad memories, or even worse, describe your current Agile team. Whether you have mastered the art of Agile development, are a ScrumMaster, an Agile Coach, or your team is still finding its rhythm, we bet you’ve witnessed – or been part of a team – that just didn’t quite deserve the title, well, Agile. Whether your team sunk the ship, went round and round…and round and round, or if your experience resembles a windy roller coaster ride, we hope you or someone you know find humor and camaraderie in this “Agile Teams to Avoid” InfoToon.


[HT:SmartBear Software Agile Solutions]

Agile New Year – 2011 – A Year In Pictures

There are tons of things to be thankful for this year. It’s been a crazy one.

I spend a lot of time in photoshop. Mostly just to have fun and create something funny for the blog post that I’m writing.

This year I’ve decided to highlight some of my favorite posts, based on the photoshop picture. These, unfortunately, are not some of the most popular posts of 2011, but that don’t matter. 🙂

Enjoy, and I look forward to growing with the Agile community in 2012!

Favorite Blog Posts in 2011 Based on Pictures

[CLICK IMAGES FOR BLOG POST]

Continue reading “Agile New Year – 2011 – A Year In Pictures”

C-Jump – Christmas Gift for Your Little Programmer

 

Need a great gift for your kid? Boom. Teach them real-world valuable skills: TO CODE.

Is while ( x > 0 ) an endless loop?

See how to play the game here.

c-jump facts:

  • This game is not only about teaching and learning: it’s fun and entertainment for the whole family!
  • Skiing and snowboarding is a perfect programming analogy.
  • c-jump game is ideal for home school education.
  • The game is based on the code of a real computer program!

Want to grab a copy?  $25 bones.

Working Hard? Or HardlyWork.In?

Need to check your facebook at work? Have no fear! Read your facebook updates and look like a pro… an excel pro!

[Enter]: HardlyWork.In

Yep. You’re entire facebook experience in a spreadsheet. Fear not the command-and-control boss. He’ll walk by your desk and smile, because he knows (thinks) you’re hard at work.

Oh wait! He’s coming back. Press your spacebar and… wah-la! Boring numbers pop up. You are truly an epic corporate employee. Grab yourself a mountain dew. This is going to be one helluva day.

[HT: HardlyWork.In]

You Think You’re #LEAN?!?

#FRIDAY #FUN

I am often a purveyor of fresh Twitter food for my readers. I thought I would enlighten all of you noobs about what really goes on with the #lean hashtag.

Obviously you must not know!?

Not only is #lean meant for those interested in software development, manufacturing methods, and reduction of waste in any type of process… but it is also a common drink mixed and concocted by some of the best, brightest, and highest-elite of our society:

“Dat #lean got my thoed.”

“Dat #lean got my swervin.”

“Mayne… hol’ up… I got too much #lean in my cup…”

Oh… and here is one for #AGILE.

You know… if you scour twitter… you’ll see an underground economy beyond the eyes of the professional elite. My young Padawan, to learn, there is much, erhm? Oh, how we can learn from these fresh young men and woman who have such a knack for intellectually stimulating conversation and unique ideas. Oh, how I yearn to sit under their tutelage!

What Consultants are All About

[My Agile Coach friend sent this to me. I thought it was hilarious]

Everything You Need to Know About Consultants

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Oliver Peoples sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Apple notebook computer, connects it to his Verizon iPhone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his iPhone that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his iPhone and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says,

“You have exactly 1586 sheep.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.” Says the shepherd. He watches the young man selects one of the animals stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

“Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a consultant.” says the shepherd.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap about my business.

“…Now give me back my dog.”

[EPIC] Continue reading “What Consultants are All About”

Props Where Props are Due?

*Edit* – Ok ok. I’m editing this like my stack exchange account. So, since posting this I’ve received 4 emails blasting me about it. Sorry! Sorry! I found this image online while searching for “Steve Jobs Innovation” on google…

*Full Disclosure* – I’m a HUGE Steve Jobs fan. I own 3 Macs, 2 iPhones, iPad2, and use Mac software. I bought his biography, I watched the Steve Jobs special on tv last week.

OK. So, I think the image above is somewhat poor taste. Though it is interesting how people are impacted by leaders in our industry differently. To me, my life has changed because of Jobs. But also Ritchie changed my life, see his Wikipedia here. Dennis Ritchie put my the position I am in today… from a developer/coder. Thanks to both. Period.